Unexpected Phonecalls

I’m sick of getting unexpected phone calls. Unexpected phone calls from family and close friends instigate panic every, single time. Alarm bells go off, and with good fucking reason. Unexpected phone calls imply bad news, mostly. This week was no different.

Earlier this year I was sat in a lecture in UCD when my phone started going off. It was my Dad. He knew I was in class, and I knew he knew that, which meant the alarms started blaring. I left the class and took the call. One of my brother’s best friends was found dead. Suicide.

Earlier this week, one of my best friends rang me, but I was training so I missed it. He’d ring me semi-often so it wasn’t that unusual. I tried to call him back on my way home but got no answer. I arrived home to the news that my friend’s dad had killed himself.

I’m not trying to trivialize this. I’m just sick of people that I love losing friends and relatives to suicide. I’m sick of the nausea and terror this news induces , and I’m sick of feeling helpless, utterly helpless. I’m scared of unexpected phone calls. They terrify me because there’s a chance it means we lost another one to suicide.

Are we doing enough? Is telling people we’re there if they need us, enough? Is tweeting about it enough? Is this fucking article enough? Absolutely not, but I also don’t know how to make a meaningful impact on the issue. I don’t know if we can even do anything.

I’m not gonna sit here and say I understand what it is to be suicidal, because I don’t, and I’m truly sorry if you do. But do you know how horrible it is to think that you’re becoming desensitized to suicide? For suicide to be so common now, that it almost feels normal? That’s our reality now, and none of us are doing enough.

Please, please please don’t be the reason for someone to make an unexpected phone call.

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