‘You’re Allowed To Be Sad’

If there’s any chance you find yourself reading this, and you don’t feel well, or you don’t see a future or you can’t find any hope to grasp onto, message me. Get in touch. I can’t guarantee you’ll be fixed, but I do know you’ll feel better having shared whatever is going on. Most of us tend to believe we’re not allowed to be sad. We subscribe to this idea that ‘someone else has it worse’. And yeah, that’s definitely true, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be sad, or that you should pretend you’re not sad. Your emotional stability is always going to be relative to your circumstances, and so happiness and sadness will emerge from seemingly arbitrary contexts. So, if you find yourself feeling sad, but then feel guilty because you don’t think you deserve to be sad, all you’re doing is increasing your level of mental discomfort by making yourself feel bad for feeling sad.

You do yourself a disservice every time you neglect an emotional reaction. We have created this idea that there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings. We think feelings like happiness are good whereas anger and sadness are bad and should be avoided. The reality is though, all emotions are needed. They’re needed for the sake of sanity. Sometimes you’re supposed to get sad, you’re supposed to get anxious, you’re supposed to get angry. It’s only when you experience thee emotions excessively that problems start to pop up. It goes the same for happiness. You’re not meant to feel happy 24/7. It’s bad for your brain because it reduces your sensitivity for things like dopamine and serotonin, which means you need higher doses of these chemicals to feel happy, eventually (Just think about drug addicts). We don’t think of emotions like this though. We tend to think that if we get sad, then there’s an issue. Sadness doesn’t make us feel good, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t feel it. The same goes for every emotion. You need all of them in certain quantities in order to remain balanced. When you start to experience any one of them too much, too often, that’s when you get fucked up.

Of course there’s a certain stigma involved. We’re all willing to talk about our happiness. Very few of us are willing to talk about our anger, or our anxiety, or our sadness. It’s not socially acceptable to do so. Those of us that do are then considered to be looking for attention, or likes, or are being dramatic. This reaction to people talking about their ‘negative’ emotions points to a collective repression of what’s really going on. There’s literally nobody who’s ever lived that hasn’t experienced a negative emotion. It’s impossible. Yet we walk around, day-to-day, purposely ignoring our emotions, saying ‘everything is fine’ over and over, in some sort of attempt to convince ourselves this is true.

Listen, everybody is a little bit fucked up. It’s not a bad thing, it’s reality. Some people get it worse than others yeah, but we all experience these feelings. All I’m saying is face them head on, learn to understand why you feel a certain way, and accept that sadness today doesn’t mean sadness forever. In other words, Trust the Process.

Seriously though, if you’re feeling sad, low, lonely, anxious, talk to me. Talk to anyone. Talk to someone. If you miss a person, tell them. Just be honest with yourself about how you feel and then go be proactive about it. Life is tricky enough as it is.

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