It was a Tuesday. I wasn’t feeling great, my throat and chest were at me, the bastards. I was still pretty tired from the Stag the weekend before, but I was sitting down to be productive, get some work done. This was the beginning of the most stressful period of my Masters so far. How could I have known that my laptop would die? How could I have known that it would take more than three days to resolve? I definitely couldn’t have known that ALL MY STUFF would get deleted. Yup, I lost everything; my undergrad work, my Masters to date. All my short stories, all my poetry. It’s all gone.
If you know me, you’ll know that I tend not to get stressed. This isn’t me trying to sound cool, it’s just how it is, ask my mom. However, this week I experienced intense, suffocating stress and all I can ask is, how the fuck do people live like that? I was on edge for three whole days. I was constantly too hot, my mind couldn’t focus on anything else besides the fact that the universe had fucked me over. My chest was tight and heavy. Heart-burn was a constant. NOTHING was funny. Everyone who was in a good mood near me was instantly hated. It was a horrible way to exist and it was really exhausting. The overthinking alone stopped me from sleeping.
The whole experience made me think about over-thinking though (How ironic). Like, the hard-drive had deleted and there was nothing I could do about it, yet I just wallowed in it. I let it swallow me up and I became this stressed, sweaty negative version of myself. I just couldn’t let it go and I kept thinking about how horrible my life was gonna be, and that I’d never catch back up on my work. It was all negative. I did observe something afterwards though. I realised that I have never once, in my whole life, over-thought about something in a positive way, and I doubt you have either.
Overthinking seems to be an exclusively negative activity. It’s always along the lines of ‘this bad thing will happen, and then this even worse thing will happen, and then another bad thing will show up etc.’ It’s never ‘an unreal thing will go down, and then my life will be fucking insanely lit’. It’s easier to say now because I’m no longer at peak stress, but life would be way easier if you were actively able to call yourself on overthinking and just stop.
I had a stressful week. There’s no doubt about it, and I’m sure my one stressful week was probably just an average week for someone else. I’m blessed to say that it was my first ever experience of real stress. Yeah I lost all my writing, but I can just write more. Bad things happen. Acknowledge it. Accept the lesson and move the fuck on. If I could have known that on Tuesday, we’da been flying.
Also super important: BACK UP YOUR COMPUTER, FUCKING HELL