I Talked To God About Suicide

Creator:         I imagine you have quite a a lot of questions.

Me:                 Just a few, yeah.

Creator:         Go ahead then.

Me:                 You made us, right? Why?

Creator:         I didn’t choose to create you, the same way you cannot choose whether to breathe or not. It just happens. It was an involuntary, automatic action. Although I get to manipulate anf change the contexts of what is created, I don’t have a choice in whether something is created.

Me:                 So you created us out of necessity rather than desire? Who made you do that?

Creator:         I don’t know. I am the only one of me, although I figure there’s more of me somewhere else, also creating and manipulating.

Me:                 And when we die, do we come and exist where you are? Like an afterlife?

Creator:         Nope. Never have, probably never will. I’m not entirely sure of where you do end up. It could be reincarnation. The reason I say that is because no ‘life energy’, so to speak, has ever left your planet. All the energy stays there. However, if reincarnation is the deal then you must not be able to remember previous lives as such, because I have never met any one of you that can describe previous lives. But to answer your question, nobody comes to live happily ever after with me. Your energy remains where it began, on Earth.

Me:                 That’s not actually as scary as I thought it would be. The idea of the energy remaining on the planet is a nice one. Am I dead now?

Creator:         Of course not. As I said, if you were dead you wouldn’t be hanging around with me. You must be unconscious, a near death experience, perhaps. Oh and hallucinating heavily. That isn’t to say that this conversation isn’t really happening, it is. It just means that, more than likely, nobody is going to believe you that it actually happened, considering they can see you are unconscious. You’ll be going back to your life as soon as we finish speaking.

Me:                 Well that’s a relief.

Creator:         Do you have anything else to ask?

Me:                 Eh yeah, actually. For a lot of my life I’ve been wondering about this one thing. It’s nagged my mind for a lot of years. You created a world where anyone can die for any number of reasons at any given time. You can can a terminal disease. You can get hit by a bus. Your heart can just give up completely randomly and end your existence. There are so many, many ways to die, so why, WHY would you give humans the ability to develop the desire to end their own lives? The chances of surviving are slim enough as it is, why would you do something as messed up as enable us to die by suicide.

Creator:         You as people, have always looked for meaning, ever since you evolved. You’ve always searched. You searched for me for millennia and decided I was good, and all knowing, which is wrong. Just like you, I am both, parts good and parts bad, and I certainly do not know everything. Your search for meaning also led you to the conclusion that finding meaning would, and will, equate to individual happiness. This is unfortunately, rarely the case. Although you will continue to search for, and find meaning, many of you will do so without ever finding happiness.

Historically, you can see major accounts of this to be true. The events of World War II were indeed meaningful. The atomic bombing of Nagasaki brought to the world that nuclear warfare needs to be avoided at all costs. Lives of people such as Mandela, Anne Frank etc. were all incredibly meaningful, yet were very rarely happy ones.

Although I designed life to be able to be self-terminated. I have never, nor would I be able to, make any person take their own lives. The circumstances of their lives, and their environments are what inevitably cause their own suicides. And although, their lives end in a shroud of terrible sadness and loneliness, their lives are over-burdened with meaningful lessons.

Me:                 What meaning could there be behind allowing somebody to fucking kill themselves?

Creator:         Tell me whether this is true. Your life, sadly, was, and is, affected by suicide in ways that some people will never truly understand. You’ve lost people, close, and far. You’ve grieved for those you know who have lost people, and each time you’ve heard of, or experienced another suicide you’ve questioned the meaning of it all. Yet, through all of that, you’ve become a more compassionate person. Your compassion for others has grown, and you’ve strived to become someone people can turn to, to talk about anything. You’ve developed a sincere compassion for yourself, accepting your own flaws, and allowing yourself to make mistakes, and accept your mental states, whether good or bad.

On top of this, you lost someone very close to you indeed. The loss of this friend, although deeply  traumatic, allowed you to genuinely appreciate every other person in your life that you love, which in turn made you a better person to all of them.

Indeed, there is no justice in the fact that people can, and do take their own lives, but I guarantee there is meaning to be found in every single one of them. With each suicide, there are hundreds of people that eventually learn to become better people, and learn to appreciate the lives they have. So although, the tragedy of suicide is never going to be okay for anyone, it does bring meaning to the lives of those who are affected by it.

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